I used to be cute. Then I moved to California. Right after I turned 30. If there are two things you should not do to yourself, it's (a) move to Los Angeles when (b) you are about to jump the shark. And trust me. At 30 in LA? Get your motor running. Head out on the shark way. So there I was, … [Read more...]
Wait. You don’t WANT to smell like a funeral home?
May 21, 2008 By 3 Comments
When I lived in LA, one of my favorite things about it was finding weird stuff. Which wasn't hard to do. One time I saw two men chained together at the nose. However, I was more referring to weird makeup stuff. I am willing to try anything cosmetics-wise, and when I saw perfumes with scents like … [Read more...]
Wait. You don't WANT to smell like a funeral home?
May 21, 2008 By Leave a Comment
When I lived in LA, one of my favorite things about it was finding weird stuff. Which wasn't hard to do. One time I saw two men chained together at the nose. However, I was more referring to weird makeup stuff. I am willing to try anything cosmetics-wise, and when I saw perfumes with scents like … [Read more...]
LashExact — Exactly kind of what I wanted
May 14, 2008 By 4 Comments
As you may recall -- because I know you hang on my every word, and you certainly keep track of which one of us Critique-rs is critiquing -- I had a jones for my Maybelline Illegal Lengths mascara and then they ripped it away from me. Because there is a whole Annoy June division at the Maybelline … [Read more...]
Free to be Acne Free
May 7, 2008 By 6 Comments
I know I have complained about this before, because I complain about everything, and really, I am one of those people who should be shown people with real problems and then slapped silly. Nevertheless, this is Chic Critique, and if I can't complain about my beauty issues here, where can I? I am 42 … [Read more...]
Smiling at Frownies
April 30, 2008 By 4 Comments
What do you think it means that I have a large, deep frown line between my eyebrows and no laugh lines to speak of? Cranky much? They say wrinkles come from repeating the same expression over and over, which is similar to the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting … [Read more...]
Pursing my lips at lip plumpers
April 23, 2008 By 9 Comments
I have thin lips. My mother has full, pillowy lips, and no, they aren't fake. Isn't it sad that nothing is assumed to be real anymore? Full lips, big bosoms, Kate Spade bags. We all just assume it's fake. Sad. Anyway, I did not get mom's lips. I got dad's. I also got his poor temper, weak jawline … [Read more...]
A Plucky Post About Tweezers
April 16, 2008 By 15 Comments
Now, who knew that you needed to spend $20 to get a good pair of tweezers? Have you ever noticed that all my posts are about me telling you to spend too much money on products? Why is that, do you think? Could it be because I am the world's biggest beauty snob and I have poor spending … [Read more...]
I smell a rat. And the wind is coming from your direction.
April 9, 2008 By 8 Comments
I would like a signature scent. Not one that says, "I just ate a Grape Now-n-Later," but a signature PERFUME. My mother-in-law always wears Opium, which is really a problem. We try to drag her out of those Opium dens so easily found in Michigan's suburbs and get her into rehab...no, no. … [Read more...]
I think Jergen’s should send us all large checks.
April 2, 2008 By 8 Comments
Back in the olden days (and who says "olden days" anymore? Would I seem cooler had I said, "Back in the days of yore"? Your what?), women used to eat glass so that they'd have internal bleeding and therefore stay pale. Pale was where it was at. If you'll forgive the preposition … [Read more...]
