5 New-Mom Fashion Truths that No One Tells You About

I had a baby last fall. It was glorious! It was exciting and terrifying and it meant that I had spent the better part of the year in increasingly creative maternity solutions to feel and look somewhat like a human despite the fact that I was really an alien. Or at least growing an alien on the inside. Let’s face it, no matter how you dress up that bump, it’s a thing. I thought fashion relief would rush to every orifice of my person once she was out and I’d lost most of the baby weight. Nearly six months later, here’s what I’ve learned about new-mom-fashion that no one bothered to tell me about before I got pregnant:

1. You will wear leggings almost every day for the first year and then some. Most of these leggings will have holes or even stains, but you won’t care. Leggings were designed for mornings where you might work out but end up watching daytime TV. They are perfect for Target runs and park outings. They are almost pants. Leggings are too wonderful to let a hole or stain stand in your way. Mama, rock those leggings.

2. Speaking of stains. There will be stains on almost everything you own, whether it’s from breastmilk leakage and/or formula spills, or human waste. Spit-up, poop, snot. You’ll wear it like a badge of honor. You might even be so bold as to leave the house in a white tee with the above mentioned leggings. Baby detergent is surprisingly powerful. And white is the only color that doesn’t make you look pale.

3. Any wardrobe budget you have is likely to be spent on footwear. First of all, your feet might not de-puff right away (mine still haven’t — is there any hope?) And second, no one wants to invest in a smart little dress or pricy jeans two sizes up from goal. Sure, transitional basics are a must. But if you’re splurging, it’s on something for below the ankles.

4. Nursing bras are hideous. And the ones that aren’t, don’t work.

5. It doesn’t really matter what you wear. First, everyone is looking at the baby, not at you, so as long as you’re not naked or exceedingly haggard, not a soul in the room will care or remember what you were wearing. And second, the delirious love of your baby outweighs fashion issues (for now, at least). Eventually, I know I will once again care what I look like. But right now I’m all about the leggings and stained tees.